oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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