I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
