The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
