I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
