u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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