Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
