One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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