I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
