Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
