i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
