Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
