i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize