I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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