you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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