I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
