She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
