Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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