i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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