I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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