I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Terrible idea I love it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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