rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
