If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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