is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
