Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
