every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
