And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if only i could text you this smell
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
