It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
