Do you still have your period?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
