kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?