How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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