Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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