There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
