You smell like stripper and shame
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
