mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
