I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
