nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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