JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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