did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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