Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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