I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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