an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
