I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
