ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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