I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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