dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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