What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
