I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
