I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
