took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
