my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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