Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
