I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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