I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
