maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
