last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
