are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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