mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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