Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
