Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
