I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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