Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize