I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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